He amuses himself by tossing most of them to lucky audience members. ••• monologue: Continuing from yesterday, Dave itemizes even more resolutions for 2011: ••• New York City had El Blizzardo Grande on Dec. The Sanitation Department will have the trash out in a couple of weeks.
Is lindsay lohan dating fuzz on that so 70 show dating ru ru ru
••• Act 5 Audience Pan ••• Paula Abdul plugs the upcoming premiere of Live to Dance, on CBS.
Dave once again is disciplined with the Late Show aaoogah horn for referring to Simon Cowell as a douche bag.
/ video: (clip): birds' bodies being collected (voice-over): "Due to recent tragic events, The Arkansas Bird Casket Company is currently back-ordered on blackbird-sized caskets..." (photos): various models of cute little caskets (voice-over): "..as The Imperial, The Executive and The Wings of Peace." (company logo) (voice-over): "The Arkansas Bird Casket Company: We're very sorry for your loss." (cutesy graphic) (first voice-over): "It's time for Oprah-Grams, featuring all the words you can make with the letters in Oprah Winfrey! " (ad graphic): "Creekwater Just 59¢" (voice-over): "Add a 16-ounce cup of creekwater for just 59 cents. Here's a blockbuster development: Dave turns the tables and suggests that he and Regis should hang sometime. Dave, Leno and Oprah were in the big Super Bowl ad in 2010.
Hurry down to Popeyes®, because when these dead birds are gone, they're gone! ••• Act 5 Audience Pan ••• Hannibal Buress (who was bumped on Dec. / video: When entering the Ed on 53rd St., he's approached by three yutes, as our cousin Vinny would call them. In 2011 we'll have a sequel, this time with Dave, Charlie Sheen and Hosni Mubarak! " ••• Charlie Sheen's Two and a Half Men is still popular, and other channels are looking at creating their own shows including characters with addiction problems.
Thousands of contestants auditioned, but only one will win the title of America's Best Dancer, a half-million-dollar-prize, and a role in a real Broadway musical." (clip of Spider-Man falling onto a dancer, as a real actor did in Broadway's Spider-Man: Turn off the Dark on Dec. And I don't want to alarm you, but honest to God, we're knee deep in rats now with the garbage.
20) (title graphic) (voice-over): "Live to Dance: Only on CBS." (clip of Oprah and graphics) (voice-over): "Oprah Winfrey is proud to introduce the new Oprah Winfrey Network. Currently he's reading a book with the contraption, but he's all worked up over the lack of page numbers. Fortunately the city has hired an additional cat." ••• Speaking of garbage, an employee rolls a trash can on wheels next to Tony Mendez.
Popeyes®: Drivers wanted." We're a week into the new year, and Dave has had a nagging sense of forlorn for the last 10 minutes or so. 17) delivers some really original and funny stand-up. 1/10/11 : Alan Kalter's face is very orange*** this evening, and Dave wonders what happened to Big Red. Alan thinks they want his autograph, but that was just a cruel distraction. ••• desk chat, after commercial: "Before you buy a lift ticket, make sure your kid takes a leak! / video: (scene from Two and a Half Men) (TV Land logo) (voice-over): "With Charlie Sheen temporarily off the air, TV Land is the place to be for hard-living characters.
"There's no harder-working man in show business than myself," Dave informs us. Moments after Alan looks down in order to deliver a top-quality autograph, all three of the teenage anarchists spray Alan's face, hair and trenchcoat fluorescent orange. ••• Tomorrow it will be annouced that Verizon will offer Apple's i Phone™. " ••• TTL sponsor: Alan announces that tonight's list is sponsored by A Company. Tonight, don't miss a rare episode of The Honeymooners, where Ralph and Ed battle crippling addictions." (Jackie Gleason, loaded and stumbling): "Everything's going real fast." (voice-over): "The Honeymooners: Only on TV Land." (voice-over): "As opposition to his regime continued to grow, today President Mubarak announced a multimillion dollar upgrade to the Sphinx." (The Sphinx): "Meow. Meow." (voice-over): "This has been 'Hosni Mubarak: Too Little Too Late.' " 1.
We'll be back in April to pick up garbage from October through December. Then just put them with the rest of the trash to be thrown away." (photo): New York City seal (voice-over): "A message from New York City: The last unspoiled place." ••• Alan Kalter with Big Show Highlights ••• desk chat: Dave has some random thoughts about the big New Year's Eve celebration hosted by Dick Clark and Ryan Seacrest (the universal prototype for male cheerleader).
Ryan interviewed one female who might be some sort of celebrity. ••• Dave's advice for the new year: "But seriously to you kids out there, if you're thinking about how to improve yourselves for the coming year, be less of a douche bag." (Late Show aaoogah horn again) ••• Top Ten Signs Your 2011 Is Off to a Bad Start ••• Brian Williams comes in loaded with comedy.
At , experience the pulse-pounding excitement of Mic Check." (audio technician): "Check 1, 2, Oprah, Oprah..." (voice-over): "At , catch Screaming Nut Job Crazy Hour." (clips): screaming nut jobs (voice-over): "And at , don't miss Backwards Oprah." (clip): Oprah talking backward (voice-over): "OWN: Where ••• desk chat: 1. Boehner obviously needs counseling to deal with his sobbing problem. Paul interjects with the thought that the pages aren't numbered because you can adjust the font size, thereby changing the number of words per page. Oz picks out quite a load of carbohydrates in the mix. He grabs Tony's cue cards, dumps 'em and rolls back offstage.