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How many women would understand that the vagaries of film production means that he’s going to be half-way around the world for months at a time, or that even if he was staying locally, he’d be too exhausted to do anything other than pass out on the couch?The same thing applies to most models, pro athletes, and rock stars – it’s a rough, demanding life and it takes a very specific type of person to date someone whose career means that they may not be home for months or even .

It’s a self-reinforcing story; we don’t accept the idea that someone who looks like Lena Dunham could score with a guy who looks like Patrick Wilson because we never see it in the media.

We never see it in the media because nobody accepts the idea that it could happen and so like an oroborous with an eating disorder, the cycle perpetuates itself.

Women go gaga for Matt Smith and Arthur Davil and Benedict Cumberbatch..

Nobody’s denying that someone who’s conventionally attractive is going to have a leg up on getting a leg over. We don’t just date people’s faces or torsos – not for very long, in any case. Looks, no matter how spectacular, eventually become part of the status quo; as Billy Bob Thornton (no model, he) once said about being married to Angelina Jolie, eventually “it’s like fucking the couch.” Like I said earlier, when we see someone dating somebody who’s supposedly “out of their league”, our default assumption is that it’s that the uglier of the two is rich; Anna-Nicole Smith marrying octogenarian billionaire J.

Either you get complacent because you assume that you’re so far out of your partner’s league that he or she would do anything to jeopardize the relationship – and thus quickly find out just how wrong you are – or you become so convinced that your partner is going to realize that they could do better and drop you like a bad habit that you end up subconsciously pushing them away.

Here’s the cold hard truth: if someone is willing to date you – whether you’re a toad and she’s a goddess, or she’s a 5 and you’re a 10 – then league, you need to improve your ability to connect with them emotionally.

After all, many of us know someone who punches above his or her weight class, dating people who they – by all rights – should have based on the flawed idea that the only thing that people value is looks.

Whenever we see someone who isn’t conventionally attractive dating somebody who is more attractive we often dismiss the relationship as somehow invalid; clearly he has money, or a high-status job or some other external quality that the more attractive partner desires enough that she is willing to put up with having to toss the cave troll a handy every now and then.

I challenge you to visit any Latin club and watch the So clearly if you don’t look like a Greek God, the best option is to be insanely talented, right? Now allow me to spare you the immediate and obvious rejoinder: “So why’s Brad Pitt with Angelina Jolie instead of some nobody, then? Sure, there are millions of women who’d cheerfully murder a hobo for a chance to him…

but how many do you suppose could actually put up with the lifestyle that his career requires?

Howard Marshall is the could achieve if we just work hard enough/win the lottery. Nobody is going to mistake him for an Abercrombie and Fitch model…

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